The making of a chef extraordinare

What am I doing?

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 05:42:02 GMT

Okay, I have to face it. I am going nowhere. I am studying college and for what? Just to finish a degree? I picked Management Engineering. One of the toughest courses in Ateneo. But is this what I really want? Or is it just because people say you're a sure success after you graduate from this course. Peer pressure is it? Gah! I don't know what I want to do in the future anymore.

Be a doctor after having been truly inspired by Grey's Anatomy and Dr. House? But the quality of the hospitals here in the Philippines are nowhere near those in the States! One of the reasons why I'm inspired really is because the hospitals on these shows are so nice and they've got really nice equipment. I don't think we even have an MRI here in some of our hospitals. Plus I'm not really a person who's particularly comfortable with an autopsy.

I want to be a master chef! But really, who succeeds in that profession? Especially in this country? It's just those fortunate few who get a lucky break or those who are filthy rich to begin with so they can go to some prominent culinary school in Europe. Luck is almost never on my side and I am sure as hell not filthy rich. Goodbye dream. I bury you deep in the ground along with my other unfulfilled dreams as of this day and your tombstone shall bear the writing "Here lies Meh's hopes and dreams". And I will grieve before you. Cry.

I don't want to work in an office either. I see my mom working in our office and it looks really boring. She's just sitting there. Counting money, writing checks or whatever. Gah. Never. Never. Never. I can never really sit in one place for too long unless I'm watching a really good movie or unless I'm compelled to. Like in class.

So why am I in ME in the first place? I hate my subjects. I find them painfully difficult to comprehend. And when I do finally understand what I'm studying, I am not overcome by any sense of fulfillment. A "Yes, I am learning!" kind of feeling. Nothing like that. All I'm thinking is, "Why am I even doing this?" Double gah.

I don't really know anymore. I don't feel that I have the same drive as I used to when I was in high school. It seems that after high school, I don't have direction anymore. I guess in high school, I knew that I am to study well to get into a good college and to pass high school with flying colors. I worked my butt off in high school. I studied and I never watched TV on school days. When something needed studying, I study! And it seemed to me that whatever subject I needed to study in high school has some sort of importance really in life. Except Filipino subject. It will NEVER NEVER be important in my life. Haha. In college, on the other hand, I find everything I'm studying completely useless. No matter how much I am inspired by Rory Gilmore in Gilmore Girls (the epitome of smartness and bookworminess), I can't bring myself to put all my effort into college. And I think of my mom and how hard she worked in college (She was cum laude in UP studying BS Bus. Admin. and Accountancy for crying out loud). In high school, I used to think I would work hard in college. But now I find myself slacking off.

I knew what I was working for in high school. I was working to get into college. Now that I'm in college, I don't know what job I want so what am I working for? What is the point?

P.S. I blame you bmchanyungco for your latest journal entry. hahaha joke:p

Please read. Be warned.

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 16:40:36 GMT

While i was reading the journal of ieatgummybears, I remembered something my mom told me the other day. The thing is, my cousin and his friends were eating at the cafeteria of his condo with 7 of his friends at around 12 to 1 am last Friday. They live somewhere in Taft. Then suddenly some policemen came up to them and arrested them for some made up reason. I think it was something like "cleaning hoodlums in the street" or something like that. Anyway, these policemen weren't in uniforms. They pointed their guns at my cousin and his friends so they had no choice but to get arrested even when they hadn't done anything illegal. These policeman wanted to take them to some unknown place to have them detained, which is very suspicious and is parallel to kidnapping. The policemen asked P2000 each from my cousin and his friends if they didn't want to be detained. But one of my cousin's friends called his dad, and his dad called the Colonel and the Colonel had them brought to the police station. From there, another one of my cousin's friends called his dad and his dad had an attorney go after them to the police station. So the attorney went to the police station and got them out of the whole thing. My cousin is lucky that his friends had whatever connections that got them out of the whole mess. The policemen as my mom said, were on a money making scheme. They go around and arrest people on weekends for no good reasons. They ask the people they arrest to pay or be detained. 'Coz the thing about getting detained is, there's no one to bail you out during the weekend (dayoff for lawyers or whatever) and you have to stay in prison and get bailed on Monday. So, would you rather stay in jail or pay the money to get out of it? Apparently these kind of schemes are rampant nowadays. There's another one where a policeman would stop your car and talks to you. Now he has your attention, he discreetly drops drugs into your car and later will have you arrested for possession of drugs. So guys, be careful of these policemen! They're out to cheat you into giving them money!

What the hell is happening to our country?!?

Grey's Anatomy

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 16:24:45 GMT

Grey's Anatomy, along with House, is really a great inspiration to me. It makes me want to be a surgeon and makes me think, "What the hell am I doing in Management Engineering?" Haha. I mean really. I want to be a doctor now! But I don't know, it might just be a phase and later on I'll realize that I don't want to be one after all. A doctor that is. And that I was just under the influence of the dramas in the shows. haha. Oh well. I'll have to do some soul-searching. Grey's Anatomy also have these sort of words of wisdom, which I love love love. Haha. Here's a few:

"Pain comes in all forms: the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain we can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else, makes the rest of the world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anesthetize, write it out, embrace it, ignore it and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. Pain. You just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time, pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is, you can't outrun it and life always makes more."

"Gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use, it all means the same thing: happy. We're supposed to be happy, grateful for friends, family, happy to just be alive whether we like it or not. Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is, appreciating small victories, admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

"The key to surviving is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we'red scared,we deny how badly we want to succeed and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we wanna see and believe what we want to believe and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after awhile, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth, right in front of our faces. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world head on, guns blazing. Denial, it's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So, how do you keep from drowning in it?"

"It's easy to suggest a quick solution when you don't know much about the problem, when you don't understand the underlying cause or just how deep the wound really is. The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with but that's not what people want to hear. We're supposed to forget the past that landed us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix. As doctors, as friends, as human beings, we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you've gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts and knocks you off your feet. If you're lucky, you end up with nothing more than a flesh wound. Something a band aid will cover. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to rip off the band aid, let them breath and give them time to heal."

Neat huh?

Cousinly affairs

Thu, 18 May 2006 15:58:28 GMT

Why? Why do I have to be the older cousin?? And why do I have to have such a difficult cousin? And why does her mother have to be so freakin' overprotective? My life is hard enough as it already is.

This problem really started a long time ago but I guess I just want to unload before I blow. First of all, since college has begun this cousin of mine has been nothing but no good. No good in the sense that she's found so much freedom in going to school here in Manila that she has given herself the liberty to drink and smoke. No offense to people who drink and smoke. I have nothing against them but it's different when it's my cousin. You know, it's a family thing. Mainly because I have to keep all her secrets. You know, with the parents and all. And her mom is too protective that she calls me to ask how her daughter is... If she's being good in Manila and if she's doing okay with her studies and all... So what can I say? I feel like I've betrayed my aunt by telling her that my cousin's doing just fine when she really isn't. And you know, it's really too hard to see your own flesh and blood doing that to herself.. She's neglected her studies and all that. But then her overprotective mother might be the reason really why this is happening. My cousin told me that partly her mother has something to do with this but she has another reason for her acts which is, "This is me." She says she's having some identity problems and all that. That she's spiraling to depression and that she really needs a friend she trusts enough to tell all her problems to. And I want to help her, I give her as much time as I have to just talk to her especially during the second sem but sometimes she's just too much to handle and I really don't have that much time. I've slept really late for several times talking to her about her problems. And I really hate having to cover up for her all the time.

I asked a friend what I should do and this is what he told me, "If you really care for her, just give her what she wants. And eventually she'll come around." But I don't think that's happening anytime soon. I've told her that it's okay that she drinks but I told her to maybe minimize her smoking. She might kill herself. She's become a mighty fine chain smoker due to the school's Smoker's Pocket Gardens. But she won't so I tell her, "Just please don't do it in front of me." Sounds simple, right? But even this she can't do! How hard is that to do?? And she smokes in front of me like she's the queen of the world. It's like she's proud of what she's doing, showing off and acting cool. How inconsiderate can she be??

And this.. this I'm really mad at. She told me she wanted to quit smoking. And so, last Sunday her roommate wasn't sleeping in their room. So, she asked me to sleep in her room since the dorm really has a lot of ghost stories and all. And in an attempt to help her quit smoking, I tell her, "Okay, but on one condition. Smoke only one stick per day for 2 weeks." And she said, okay since it would help her quit smoking anyway. So at 11 pm when I was all ready to sleep, I moved my pillows to her room. But I couldn't sleep in her room so I just waited for her to fall asleep. She fell asleep at past 2 in the morning. And I had to wake up like 7:30 the next day. So I went back to my room and fell asleep around 2:30 or something. And so the next day in class I felt really really sleepy and tired. And so, for the following days, she said she smoked only one stick a day. But today I found out from a friend that she said, "Well, technically I can smoke more than one stick a day 'cause she didn't really sleep in my room." So.. this is what she said when I confornted her...
cousin: well, you didn't sleep in my room.
me: i was supposed to sleep at 11 but i stayed up till 2 waiting for you to go to sleep
cousin: well, you still didn't sleep in my room.
WHAT THE.... !?!?!?!?! I HAD LOST 3 HOURS OF SLEEP BABYSITTING HER FREAKIN' A**. I STAYED UP EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO. AND THIS IS WHAT SHE TELLS ME. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY IF SHE TOLD ME, "I'M SORRY, I SMOKED MORE THAN 1 STICK TODAY." BUT TO HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY....

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE SEDATE ME BEFORE I DESTROY SOMETHING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Summer

Wed, 17 May 2006 13:57:10 GMT

My summer is as dull as watching fishballs deep fry in grease. All because of summer class. Why oh why??? I have approximately 9 days left of torture... I can do this. haha.

Anyway, Anyhow, Anywhy, Anywhere... haha

At least I had a fun 3 week vacation in the States. I went to Disneyland and Universal Studios and got to see that Newport Beach really exists. You know, the one where the show the OC is supposed to be. Hehe.. Only, the bad thing is, when we got to LA, we got stuck in traffic. Plus we got lost so we were on the road for six hours before getting to our hotel. What a bummer. But! I got to see these really cool sets in Universal Studios. I saw the set when Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer were in Tijuana. Also the Desperate Housewives Set and the War of the Worlds Destruction Scene Set. Pretty cool. Also the KingKong and the Jaws things were really cool too. haha. But the best thing of all.. SHOPPING! Todo shopping na! I won't be going back there for a really long time anyway. Haha... All the really great stores are there... Forever 21, H&M, Old Navy, Gap, Charlotte Russe, Roxy, Billabong... There are really a lot of good buys there.. And for very low prices for some too.. Yeah! I laaaaaaahb it!

Whoops.. I shall tell about my trip next time.. Have to study Programming. Grar.

ARGH!

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 05:31:39 GMT

ARGH!! I just made this really long entry and then I was trying to copy the whole thing so that when the internet backfires and I lose my entry, I'd still have it. But then I pressed the wrong button and deleted the whole thing and there is no way I can get it back. What the....?!?!?

Grarrrrrrr!!! Why?!?

Curses...

I love it!

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 15:52:07 GMT

I am finally in Chicago and guess what.. I love it! haha.

Even though the whole flight here was really a drag cause it took like what.. almost one and a half days. But it's all worth it 'cause it's so nice here. We're in the suburbs part of Chicago cause there's a lot of space here even though the buildings are really huge. (I wonder what the urban part looks like) On the down side, it's really cold because my fingers are freezing as I am typing but on the bright side, the food is really great and I get to go shoooopping! Woohoo! Boy, am I going to gain weight here. On the way here I've already eaten a lot 'coz the stewardesses keep feeding us. Then, when I got here it's like.. I'm in heaven! Wahaha! Grabe ang food! Even though, we've only eaten here in my aunt's house, the food is really really gooooood. We had chicken and apple sausage yesterday morning then we had blackberry with strawberry topped with whipped cream. LIGHT whipped cream, if I may say. haha. Then we had these really huge cookies.. chocolate chip, white chocolate, oatmeal raisin. Yummmmmy! Then we went shopping at wallmart and it's all foooooooood; there are also clothes and stuff but they're not really that nice. We grabbed a lot of food! Ruffles cheese and sour cream and mixed chocolate (reese, hersheys, crunch...). Then we went to Sam's club to get even more food! More chicken and apple sausage, chicken and cheese ravioli with pesto sauce, crossaints, spinach and cheese sausage. Heavenly! (in a singsong voice) Then, we came back home to my aunt's house and had lunch. We had salmon. And there's these grape tomatoes and they are surprisingly really good. I mean, they're as small as grapes and they're healthy so I don't feel guilty eating them. And I had some more blackberry and strawberry topped with whipped cream for dessert. I stopped myself from eating ice cream. haha:p self-control men!

Then after lunch, we went shoe shopping at DSW. It's this really huge outlet where all the shoes are really low-priced. There are Anne Klein, Nine West, Steve Madden shoes there and they're on big BIG discounts. They're like 20 to 80 percent off! So I spent about one and a half hours shoe shopping and I ended up buying these really cute beige Keds shoes (I don't know what they're called) and these peach pointy Joey sandals. I LOVE THEM! haha.. Then as we went home, we saw this seagull and mura mig mga ignoi. But honestly, everything there was so alien to us to we can't help but be amazed. Even the people are different. I mean, when I was shoe shopping and tried on these Roxy shoes, the lady said, "oh, those are really cute." People never say that in the Philippines. Ever. In the Philippines, you have your own world.

After shoe shopping we went home and ate AGAIN. Haha. We had crossaints with turkey and cheese. It's heaven I tell you. It really is. The other really great thing here is, there are a lot of HOT guys. haha. In the San Francisco airport, there's this really cute guy in blue. Grabe ka LAMI. haha. PLUS! I'm not fat here because the people here are fatter than I am. Maybe they have really big bones or something. I guess it's in the genes or whatever. But anyway, I can't help but have some sort of inferiority complex because I'm so short compared to all the girls here. And this really embarrassing thing happened in the airplane cause the stewardess asked if I wanted a kiddie meal. WHAT THE..??? I am scarred for the rest of my life because of that.

But oh well. I say this for the third time. I love it here. Even though it's so different, (there are no fences in the houses, they don't check your baggage when you leave the airport cause no one steals baggage like people do in the Philippines, there are trees and plants here that I've never seen before in my life and when you pay with a credit card, you swipe it by yourself and sign it in a computer) it's really amazing cause everything so modern and high tech. And now I think about how left behind our country is from the new age technology and the like.

Sa Aking Pagninilaynilay

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 14:21:05 GMT

I have taken the first part of the Singapore test (again) today and tomorrow I am going to take the second part. Then, I looked back on my reflection paper in Filipino...

Pagkalito at Pag-unawa

Isa sa mga pinakamahalagang desisyon sa buhay ko ang pagpili ng kolehiyong aking pupuntahan sapagkat ito ang magtatakda ng daang tatahakin ko tungo sa aking kinabukasan. Maraming kolehiyo ang maaari kong pagpilian. Sa lahat ng aking pinasahang mga kolehiyo, sa Ateneo de Manila ko ginustong mag-aral. Maganda ang kursong nakuha ko at may iskolarship pa ako rito.

Ngunit sa huli ng Marso ng taon ding iyon, binago ng isang pagsusulit ang lahat ng plano ko: isang pagsusulit para maging iskolar sa Singapore. Nag-aral ako ng mabuti para sa pagsusulit na ito at hindi naman ako nabigo sa aking paghihirap. Pumasa ako sa pagsusulit. Ngunit may isa pang balakid na kailangan kong daigin – ang pakikipanayam sa ilang kinatawan ng National University of Singapore o NUS ang balakid na ito. Madali na lamang ito kung ikukumpara sa pagsusulit na napakahirap. Kapag nalampasan ko na ito, makakakuha ako ng iskolarship na naglalaan ng buong pambayad sa tuition sa NUS, dormitoryo at sustento para sa pagkain at kung anu-ano pang mahahalagang kagamitan na maaari kong kailanganin. Tuwang-tuwa ang mga magulang ko sa pagpapasa ko sa pagsusulit na iyon. Kaya’t agad-agad nila akong kinausap ukol sa magandang kinabukasang maaaring maidudulot ng aking pag-aaral doon.

Noong una, nagustuhan kong pumunta roon. Ngunit naisip ko rin ang aking pinsang doon din nag-aaral na hindi matigil sa kaiiyak dahil sa tinding lungkot bunga ng pagkalayo niya sa piling ng kanyang pamilya at mga kaibigan. Nag-alinlangan akong pumunta roon. Napagisip-isip ko na ayaw kong maranasan ang ganoong pagdaramdam. Kung hindi naman ako magiging masaya, ano pa ang halaga ng magandang edukasyon at kinabukasan?

Anumang pilit ng mga magulang ko sa akin na pagbutihan ang panayam, hindi na mababago ang desisyon kong huwag nang mag-aral doon. Hindi ako nagulat nang hindi ako pumasa sa panayam. Lubos na nalungkot ang mga magulang ko sa nangyari. Hindi ko naman malaman kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko: kaluwagan dahil hindi na nila ako puwedeng piliting pumunta roon o pagkalungkot dahil binigo ko ang mga magulang ko.

Nalito rin ako sa kung ano ang nagtulak sa akin na hindi pagbutihin ang panayam. Isa akong mabuting anak na laging sumusunod sa aking mga magulang. Isa akong taong nagsusumikap upang mangibabaw at pagbutihin ang lahat ng ginagawa ko. Nagunita ko sa aking pagninilaynilay ang ilang pagkakataong nagpupumilit ang aking mga magulang na masunod ang gusto nila at napagtanto ko na sa pangyayaring ito, hindi ko na pinayagan pang ipagpatuloy nila ang kanilang pagpupumilit. Nais kong mabatid nila na may karapatan akong makapagdesisyon para sa aking sarili, na hindi sila ang may hawak ng buhay ko. Kaya’t naisip din ako kung talaga bang ayaw kong tumuloy sa Singapore o nagrebelde lang ako?

Kataka-taka para sa akin, maging sa aking mga magulang, ang biglang pagbabago ng pagkatao ko sa pagkakataong ito. Nagulat ako sa natuklasan kong isang bahagi ng aking sarili na hindi ko inakalang naroroon pala – isang taong handang sumugod sa ulan nang hindi natatakot na mabasa. Ngunit natutunan ko rin na mas mabuting itago itong bahagi sapagkat nawawala ako sa matinong pag-iisip. Mas mainam ang maging bukas sa mga bagay at taong makatutulong sa akin.

HmMm.. For those who were with me on my Singapore dilemma last year. This is something to think about.

Thanks again to james!

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 11:39:19 GMT

I have once again to thank James Barcelona also known as ieatgummybears for this great new and HOT layout. haha:p This layout is greatly inspired by Adam Brody, Jason Mraz, Jesse Spencer and Daniel Radford.. the loves of my life. haha:p Thank you thank you so much james! Now you can all drool.. Hotness... haha:p

I hardly had any sleep last night. Had the final chem long test so I have to do really well. It wasn't as hard as the 3rd long test but it was still quite tricky. So I'm crossing my finger and hoping that I did okay or hopefully well. But on the bright side, my mom came to visit me yesterday and she just flew back to Davao this afternoon. Aaww.. It was great and I stuffed myself silly last night and this lunch. I can feel my stomach (if it wasn't big enough already). Haha.. So I have to really lose weight! (I've been saying this over and over again, never happened. haha)

Only about 2 weeks of school left. Yey! I'm so excited! But before the 3-week break, I have to endure another hell week and the finals week. I have about 5 paper to do for next week. Gah. Help me! Anyone? Haha.. There's also two long tests coming up next week on the same day and a play we have to do which would serve as a long test. This play is going to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life but I thank the heavens above that I didn't get the most embarrassing part. Whew. So this play of ours is on a Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare but ala Grease and was written and directed by English blockmate who is a member of Tanghalang Ateneo. And I tell, it is very very very graphic or vulgar if I might say. I was extremely shocked when I read our script. Read the first part:

ACT 1
Scene1
Theseus: Hippoylta, our grad ball draws near and I can’t wait. My hormones are raging. They’re calling for you and only you!
Hippolyta: Hold your monkey, Big Boy. When the time comes, I’ll rub skin with you.
Theseus: (to Philostrate) Get your ass working, Philostrate. I want my ball to be enjoyed. I want to be named the king of all balls. Move bitch! (to Hippolyta) Did you see our last game? That winning shot for the championship was for you, baby.
Theseus: (aside) Who’s your daddy? (Snickers)

...SoOo watcha think? And that's only beginning. My teacher got a little peek at our script and said, "I read a bit of your play, it's so bastos. I like it!" Huuuuwwwwaaaaattt?! Oh well, at least I don't think we're gonna get an F on this play.

Why?!

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 10:31:44 GMT

Why oh why?!? Why is the world so unfair?? Why does David Radford have to get voted off the show this early?? Huwhyyyyyyy???? Hehe..

I wasn't able to watch the actual American Idol elimination yesterday because I watched Brokeback Mountain and Close to You in Gateway with some dormmates. And although Brokeback Mountain had a nice story, it was slightly disturbing. But oh well, it won awards at the Oscars. It was quite heavy as well and so watching Close to You was a picker-upper. I like the movie although some may say that it is a really corny pinoy romantic comedy. It was really cute and so is Sam Milby. Haha:p I did a little shopping too. (To cheer me up after that horrible Math test. I used to love Math. College completely destroyed whatever love I had for it.) And so when I got back from the movie, me and my roommate Anacat went online to check the results. And my heart sank when I saw that David was voted off. Why oh why?? American does not know talent at all. Plus, he is so hot.. So.. WHY?? haha:p

But oh well, guess that's life. Tough luck. It's just that I only got to watch him perform twice. Darn.. But life must go on. I still love you David Radford. hahahaha:p

Lazy lazy

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 15:52:53 GMT

I know I have been really lazy in updating my livejournal. I have not been very good in keeping my journal alive. It's practically dead. I only update when I want to delay doing my homework like what I'm doing right now. It's really bad I know. Tsk tsk.

Haha. And so I must update more. To hone my skills in creative writing (given that i even have one) and so that in the future when I will read my entries, I will roll around laughing about the idiocy of my past thoughts. But if i am only doing this for me to ridicule myself in the future, why do this at all? Isn't this in itself idiocy?

Okay. I'm not making sense. I just wanted to rant even though I know I'm not making sense anymore. Wahaha. Talk about idiocy.

"Mi casa..."

Anyhoo. I can't believe that weeks after the Jason Mraz concert, I'm still hung up on it. Undoubtedly, it is one of the best things that happened in my life. Even though my mom yelled at me for forgetting to text her that I'd already gotten home from the concert, (Oops.) it still is the best concert I've ever been to in my 17 years of existence on planet Earth. Plus, Jason Mraz is most definitely HOT. Kinda like Adam Brody hot. I am so happy to have seen Jason Mraz in person and from the second row in NBC Tent, The Fort. He has converted me. I am now a Jason Mraz fangirl. But not stalkerlike and rabid like Cria and Nani. (Joke lang Kring and Nani! Ahlabyooo! haha)

Have to get back to doing my homework now. Cannot delay any longer. I have delayed enough. Goodbye good friends in livejournal. I shall return. Sometime soon I hope:D

On and on

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 13:44:30 GMT

Life goes on
no matter how much it sucks
i still have 2 papers for tomorrow
one is english first draft
other is the literature analysis
i still have a 20 point quiz in lit tomorrow
everything goes on
like the war between my parents and i

don't know how much more of this i can take

inspire me jason mraz

I have returned

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 12:08:02 GMT

Still another fifty years have passed and now I have returned to livejournal. hahaha:D

Hell hell hell hell week for me. Blah. Just waiting for this whole week to end. First off, just had our chem long test this morning in which I changed the chemical formula for phosphate and therefore made my answer incorrect. And we have an outline and abstract due tomorrow for our research paper in english. then we have a literature presentation on friday and a math long test on the same day. gah. College is driving me nuts. Can't wait for the weekend. Will definitely go to mall and do all I can to celebrate the end of hell week. hahaha.

and so it is obvious that I am just using livejournal as an excuse to slack off my studies for a little while. haha. now i shall go to dance practice and afterwards, resume nerd mode.

midsembreak entry

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 13:10:16 GMT

hey guys.. it's the middle of my sembreak and it is soooo great because of 4 days i didn't have to wake up early to go to the gym. so yey!:D ahaha... i know i should be shedding off the pounds i've gained in manila since obviously, i have gained quite a lot. Most of the people here in Davao comments on my weight. And they are not happy comments, i tell you. But who am I to complain when i'm getting my much needed rest??? This is pure heaven! And the whole day I've been lying in my bed watching countless episodes of FRIENDS. I luhuhuuuuuuuuve the sembreak!

I know I told myself that I am going to cut down my consumption of sweets, fats and such, and to have lots and lots of exercise this sembreak so that when I go back to manila, I'd be much thinner. But seeing all the empty pik-nik and ice cream containers, I can't see that happening.. It's just sooooo hard when you've suffered for 5 months and finally you get a month of freedom! Who's gonna want to spend that month going to the gym, sweating like a pig and starving yourself to death?? I know I don't!!

oh, what the hey. I'm gonna enjoy my sembreak even if it means devouring loads of fat. (which i think i've been doing for the past six months) My dad has been cooking scrumptious meals for me.. Crabs, gambas.. cause he says I'll be in Davao for only a while so I should eat his delicious cooking to which i say, "Good one, dad!" And for the past days, I've been basking in the softness of my bed, the cleanness of my bathroom, the cool air from the aircon, the wonders of cable TV, the joys of home-cooked food and I just want to bask forever.

And you know what, even if manila is really great cause it has really big malls where I can shop till I drop and fabulous places like eastwood where I can hang out till the break of dawn, there's really no place like home..:) (cause even if my sister's self-composed song really annoys me cause it contains only one word sung over and over again, i also miss it at the same time and hearing her sing it again.. i know i'm really homeÜ) --> shucks.. drama. haha:D

updating my nineteen jurassic journal

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 16:16:56 GMT

Three weeks to go 'till i smell the fresh air of my beloved hometown. yesssss! I can't wait!!

I can't believe I've survived here for this long. It has certainly been an experience. I've seen and felt so much more here in manila and especially in admu. Time is so fast and I can't believe that I'm going home soon. I sure do miss Davao. Even though the malls there are two times smaller than the malls here in manila, I still miss 'em. And even though there isn't much to see and do in Davao, I guess I just really miss my family and friends. I miss my home. I miss my room. I miss my TV. haha. I am so untouched with the world that I don't even know the new commercials on TV. And I miss my sleep. I hardly get enough sleep here. (except during weekends when I spend as much time as I have in my bed. hehehe) When I get to Davao, I am getting my much deserved sleep, I'm gonna rest and relax, and I'm gonna watch so much TV it's gonna last my second semester here. haha.. But seriously, I just want to spend some time with my family and know how mom, dad, erin and miggy are doing. I miss watching a movie with them during the weekend and going out every Sunday to pig out after 30 minutes of arguing which restaurant is the best pig out place for the day. I even miss my constant bugging of erin, my li'l sis, and my younger bro miggy's blabbering about computers, his friends, his lovelife, dota, and such. No matter how much they used to annoy me so much when I was in Davao, I realize here that I miss their pestering me. I really do.

I can do this! Only two weeks of hell. I can manage. I have to! My only fear in all this is receiving my final grade and seeing how bad I did for the first semester. I pray that I didn't do that bad. I miss highschool too. I used to complain so much that high school is so hard. But whooooooow! College is much worse. I used to do so well in high school and all the teachers were so nice and understanding. And I had the same classmates and so it was so easy to make new friends. But college is different. Way different. I'm just an average, nothing special student out of the other 6000 in the school. I hardly see familiar faces in college unlike in high school when I see a familiar face at every turn. And college has so much more school load. I never ever slept at 6 in the morning for a paper in high school. I never had 2 papers a week to pass on the same day in high school. And I never.. ever ever slept at 4.30 in the morning for a long test. For 2 final exams, yes. But for a long test?? I never had in my four year of high school life. College is hell I tell you.

It is difficult here but I have learned so much. I guess I can say I've matured here. I've learned to be independent when I used to rely on my parents and 'yaya' to do everything for me back home. And I've learned to deal with situations more responsibly and to venture into new things I never would have done before. Wala nang hiya hiya sa college. And I've learned to look after my cousin dear. She's quite a handful here in college since she is enjoying her college life to its fullest and I have to really make sure that she isn't doing anything she'd regret later. But.. ayayay is she a handful. But I still am thankful for she has taught how make the right decisions and how to act maturely especially during difficult times.

Haaay... College is too much. *sigh*

Only two weeks.

And then I'll have a few days of shopping.
And then I'll go home.
And be with my family and friends.
And eat home-cooked food.
And have my well-deserved sleep.
And sleep in an air-conditioned room.
And watch TV.

Yehesssssss...!!

I live

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 09:12:31 GMT

Yes, I am alive. haha.. I am quite aware that I haven't updated for a long looooooong time. Haven't had the time actually... And now, I really don't have time either. haha.. but I'm bored reading "Holes" for Literature and took the time to update my LJ. Anyways, as most of you know, I am now in ADMU. And for those who have read my LJ about my Singapore Interview, and knew about how much it sucked, you would have pretty much guessed that I would end up in ADMU. haha.. But I guess that this is all for the better. I've made new friends especially in the dorm and I'm learning to live the hard life. I'm having a hard time balancing my schedule at the moment and so I haven't had much time to update my live journal. College is very difficult, which is evident from the result of my first ever Literature paper and first Calculus long test. hahaha.. And Filipino is hell. I hate our teacher.. "yari ka!!" He gives us papers and quizzes every time he gets the chance to. And he has this sort of weird fixation for Batman. Freaky.. And he happily calls us jabronies.. whatever that means and sings.. "Iodized salt, iodized salt, mag-iodized salt tayo." Weirdo. Oh well.. still having a difficult time adjusting but I'll figure this out somehow. Hayhay.. Naman... Pray for me!! Hope I'll manage..:D

Better get back to work.. I have a book to read, and math and filipino to study. Our second Math Long Test and Literature quiz are also coming up. I am such toast.

JAMES!!

Wed, 25 May 2005 13:59:26 GMT

Thank you ieatgummybears!! The layout master! hehehe.. I owe my wonderfully and artistically created layout to my dear friend JAMES BARCELONA! Without you, my layout (which I am so proud of. hehehe..Ü) wouldn't be made possible. You help keep my dreams of being a chef alive! (cries tears of joy) hehehe.. Thanks so So so So so So very much James! You're simply the best! Lav yah! And miss yah so much! God bless sa UST ha?? And don't go chasing all the cute guys out there! haha..Ü

overnight escapades

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 15:32:45 GMT

Nagovernight ako at the Marco Polo hotel with buds Jewells, Ching and Dyan last Monday night. May complimentary room kami eh. So why not?Ü Masaya siya, pramis! Kase parating malamig tapos soft masyado ang bed and everything. (ignoi) hahaha..Ü wala lang. lingaw kase pwede gawin kahit anong kabuangan doon.Ü nood lang kami ng nood ng tv. sa kakanood ng tv, dumating kami sa yung parang videoke na channel. starting from song no. 244, balak namin tapusin hanggang song no. 300. if you watch that channel and sing along to that channel.. they have songs like "yester you yester me yesterday" and songs that go "try to remember, the kind of december, I'll follow follow follow follow.." and songs sang by people named joe cocker. promise! hahaha..Ü and in the middle of singing along to that videoke channel we got bored so natrip naming bumaba sa lobby in our pajammies at 2 o clock in the morning. really we did, and i was wearing my sneakers pa. haha..Ü so imagine mo lang. bagay ba ang sneakers and pajamas?? haha..Ü anyhoo.. wala naman masyadong tao sa lobby. yung mga cleaning people nalang and one girl sa front desk. si ching may dalang camera so natrip din naming magpapicture sa mga taong naglilinis doon. tapos may isang marco polo guy pang nagtanong samin, "Excuse me, may room ba kayo?" Uhmm.. hello? parang nakapajama kami and all. grabe, napadaan lang kami sa marco polo, at 2 am wearing our jammies. haha..Ü and so bumalik na kami sa aming kwarto and sang along to that videoke channel again na napalakas ng aming mga boses. sound proof naman siguro ang room. hehe..Ü and ang bitin kase bigla lang nagsign off yung channel at song no. 283 or something. So evil! grRr.. hehehe.. ok lang naman din kase tired na ako nun so natulog na ko. The next day, check out time was about 12 noon. So before leaving our room, sinulit namin ang aming stay doon. Kinuha namin lahat ng makuha doon. Tissue paper, cotton buds, shampoo, sabon, shower cap, disposable slippers, ballpen, marco polo pad paper, complimentary water, etc.. hahahaha..Ü sulit! free pa stay namin!Ü

Try niyo! Tapos kunin niyo rin yung mga gamit dun! hahaha..Ü Masaya!Ü

The Interview

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 08:59:23 GMT

Gah! I just had my Singapore interview yesterday which I don't think really went that well. There were two interview guys. One from the National University of Singapore (NUS) and the other from the Singapore Embassy. The Singapore Embassy guy had this weird, distorted smile on his face that made him look like he was constipated. It was somewhat disturbing and hilarious. Of course, I didn't laugh. It's rude. Haha..Ü So we went inside this room. Pagpasok ko palang sa room, the word on my mind was: DISASTER. First of all, it was so hot in the room. I'm guessing the air conditioner was not functional at that moment. Wow, ganda ng moment na pinili ng aircon. I was sweating and I didn't like the feeling at all. Made me somewhat self conscious. What if I smelled?!? *shudder* Second, ang daming lamok. So my hand was trying to swat the mosquitoes(isfeling??) because it was flying around my face and buzz-buzz-buzzing in my ear. Lastly, inaaway ako ng NUS guy! (Feel ko inaaway niya ako. hehe..Ü) One part of the interview kinda went like this:

NUS guy (NG): Have you ever failed a subject?
Me: No
NG: What if you fail a subject in Singapore? It is very competitive in NUS. How will you cope?
Me: I will try harder in the next semester.
NG: What if you try and you still fail?
Me: Then I will work harder. I will focus on my studies and concentrate. I will participate and be attentive in class.
NG: What if you try and try and you still fail?

Ano ba????? He really wants me to fail! He is so evil! So I'm like, "Um.. Ah.. um.. hehe.." gah! And another part of the interview was like..

Sinapore Embassy Guy (SEG): So, your course is Engineering?
Me: Yes
SEG: What do you want to do in the future?
Me: I want to be a chef
SEG: Oh.. So what relation does Engineering have with being a chef?
(Obviously, walang koneksyon ang dalawang yan)
Me: Actually, I might change my course because I wasn't sure about my course at that time.
SEG: So what course will you choose?
Me: Something related to Business or Computers
SEG: So what relation does it have with being a chef?
Me: I could start a business and have my own restaurant
NG: How could you be of help to the society?
Me: I could help decrease the unemployment rate when I start a business.
NG: So how many workers are you planning to employ?
Me: *Mind goes blank and says:WHAT??* Ahm.. erm.. Actually I think I might expand to other cities.
NG: Would you like 100, 150 or 200 employees?
Me: *Mind still blank* I'm not quite sure yet

Well.. THAT WENT WELL!!! Honestly, the thought of how much work force I am going to need when I start my own business hasn't even occurred to me. I haven't even started college yet! Give me a break. And there are other parts of the interview that I don't even want to mention. God only knows what else I could have said in the interview, it has become a vague memory to me. As Simon in the American Idol would say, "Horrendous." ARgh! *bangs head repeatedly on computer desk* I won't be surprised if I don't pass the interview.

Oh welL.. *singing* "Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera. What will be, will beEeEeEeeeeee..."

When I think about it, at least it was somewhat amusing to see that Singapore Embassy guy with that constipated smile of his. Hahaha..Ü And at least I didn't have to wake up early and go to the gym. Oo na, tamad na ako. Haha..Ü

I also want to say that I am proud of myself today because sumakay ako ng jeep by myself nung pauwi ako from Yamaha. YahoO! hahahaha...Ü

ayoko naaaaaaa!

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 02:07:46 GMT

Oh my gas.. Bakit pa ba ako napasa sa interview??? This is making me seriously consider going to Singapore. There is still a possibility na di ko makapasa sa interview and I won't get the scholarship pero sabi naman nila na madali lang yung interview (that is if I don't purposefully fail the interview. haha). I've been thinking about the whole Singapore thing and hindi pa nga ako nakaalis dito sa Pinas nagddrama na ako! hahahaha... Paano nalang kaya ako doOn? What if in the middle of a class bigla lang ako magdrama. Goodness gracious. I can just imagine. hahahaha..Ü grabeh, sobrang pressured na rin ako magpunta sa Singapore if I pass this thing. Everybody is like.. "Go to Singapore, ganda dun!" "Sa Singapore ka na, opportunity na toh!" "..it's safe there!" "..higher standard of education." "..top 9 school in the world." "..kaya mo naman, why not go there?" Nakakaloka na toh, everyday ko na pinapagisipan kung saan ba talaga mapadpad sa college. I mean sure, great opportunity nga sa Singapore, safe, higher standard of education and all that pero ang laki talaga ng fear ko na hindi ko maovercome yung homesickness and everything and baka di ko rin makaya. As in I'm always thinking about it and everytime I do, I always seem to forget about the positive things in going to Singapore. All I can think about is.. "I'm going to miss home.." "Sobrang layo nyan.." "I miss my friends already.." "I don't want to go, di ko kaya" "People dun are different.." "Culture shock.." I keep forgetting about the positive side of all this and when people are encouraging me, nappressure ako and I get frustrated. Ewan ko, I guess I just want to think about it by myself without everybody telling me what to think. And I am not enjoying my summer at all because of this. Every morning when I wake up, yun na kaagad ang nasa isip. This is driving me nuts.

Gusto kong maenlighten. I want to talk to a priest. hahahaha.. way off topic. But anyway, la lang. Gusto ko lang. hehehe...Ü

Does any of you have suggestions kung anong magagawa ko this summer para naman I can get my mind off thinking about this?? Except going to gym, cause I'm already doing that and believe me.. sobrang nakakapagod siya. And I have to wake up early para hindi pa marami yung tao dun! Grabeh, saket na ng katawan ko. Nanghihina na nga ako sa boxing. Hindi na tumutunog yung aking punches and parang di na makaya ng aking stamina. Na-over na siguro ako. haha... Pero kelangan eh! Para mabalance yung aking kain. Kase sa sobrang walang magawa sa buhay, lagi akong kumakain. Ayoko namang tumaba so I am forced to go to the gym. grumble grumble.. hahahaha..Ü

Hay grabe.. sobrang walang magawa kaya ang haba haba ng entry ko. Ummm... question lang.. paano ba paliitin yung pixels thingy ng picture? kase sobrang laki raw ng picture ko kaya wala akong malagay na picture dito sa LJ. Help would be very much appreciated. Hehehe...Ü

Tagal naman ng Spongebob the movie! La lang.Ü

After 48 years

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 09:26:48 GMT

I've finally updated. I'm so lazy kase. haha..Ü Anyways.. I still find it hard to believe na graduate na ako. Parang... Ewan ko. Time flies so fast. And I still don't know which college ako mag-aaral. I will be forced to pick one college sooner or later. Help me guys! ADMU or Singapore?

Ok, the Singapore results aren't exactly out yet but what if?? Sometimes I wish I'd fail it nalang so I'd go, "Ok, so ADM it is." It would make things so much easier. Pero sayang man din yung opportunity. Hahay.. I'll have to patiently wait for the results. When time comes, I hope I'd know na. The suspense is killing me.

Anyway... It's summer summer summer!! But somehow.. masgusto ko pa ang magfourth year classes ulit kaysa magsummer. Weird. I usually love summer. Maybe it's because I know that I might not see some of my classmates and schoolmates na. Ever. I'd have to make the most out of my summer. Lakwacha! Pero it's so hard kase everybody's busy na preparing for college. This is so sad. I am so not looking forward to college. I mean, I've sort of tried it na sa AJSS. And even though I had so much fun sa AJ, college life is really difficult. And if I do go to ADMU, my mom is making me live in the dorm which I am not so excited about. Argh.. Oh well.. Let's just see what happens.

Finally

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 13:53:18 GMT

After 48 years, tapos na talaga ang lahat ng academic responsibilites ko for SY 2004-2005. Salamat naman!! Whew! *Big sigh of relief* First of all, tapos na lahat ng dapat ipapass na school requirements and stuff. Second, wala na akong contests whatsoever. And third, tapos na ang aking hopeless na Singapore Entrance Examination na kahit ano pang review ang gawin wala talagang mapapala dahil sobrang hirap.

Tapos naaaaaaa!! Woohoo!! Signing of clearance nalang. Pero, dali lang nyan so walang problema narin. The only thing I'll have to tolerate is grad practice na pagkatagal-tagal matapos dahil 570+ graduates kaming tatawagin sa stage sa pagkainit-init na Quadrangle. Besides that, wala na!! Yey!

Though it's depressing na we'll be leaving high school life na, I'll relish the feeling muna of finally being free of school work. Later na ako magworry about leaving high school life kase di pa masyado nagsink in saken ang reality. Maybe after a few days..

So for now... YEHEY!!!Ü

how do you work this thing???

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:02:51 GMT

I have no idea how this thing works so I guess I'll have to figure this out one way or the other.

Anyway, got too much to do. Project, homework, exams. I'm letting this be my excuse for not doing any of my homework.

...

...

Isn't it obvious that I don't have anything better to do??? haha..

Guess I gotta get to work. Can't delay any longer.